Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
time to smoke my breakfast
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
