A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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