He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize