that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
