What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
