Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
