I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
