you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
