All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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