There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
