I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize