You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
