where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize