You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
