I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
