he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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