It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
