I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Randomize
