sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
