I am midnight drunk by noon
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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