I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
