There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
