I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize