my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
