now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize