I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
