I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Drake has all the answers
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
