i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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