ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
