We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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