he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
