You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
