Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
