Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
