I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
