Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
