yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
