Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
