dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I AM VODKA MAN
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
