I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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