Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
