And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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