I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Ladies don't puke and tell
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
