if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
