I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
