There was a lot of him and a little penis
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
