miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
