Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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