ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
