Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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