I faked an abortion last night.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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