in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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