He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
