my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
