I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
