i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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