i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
