I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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