What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
