True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
no. you can't hotbox the world.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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