Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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