there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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