remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
