you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
