Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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