Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
