She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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