I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
