I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
