She announced her abortion via fbk
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize