Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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