If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
