we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
