Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize