hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
