He asked to "fluff my boner.."
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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