Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
