a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize