I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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