I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
