dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
