dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
