You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
