PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
