my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize