The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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