i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Success! We fucked roommates!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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