I'm so fucking centered right now
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
