You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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