Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
