Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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