You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
