That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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