Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
