Dude my mom stole all your condoms
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
he thought i was a dude.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Randomize
