You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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