I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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