I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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