just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
