The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
