Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You ate ashes out of my bong
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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