I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
